Submission Policy

Please review our new hate mail policy before submitting your message. In the past we have published any and all hate mail that we have received, but due to intense boredom we now require hate mail to meet certain standards to be published on our website:

The message must contain some semblance of proper grammar and spelling; if we feel that English might not be your first language, that you are mentally incompetent, or that you were under the influence of a controlled substance when the message was written, we will not respond, in fairness to you, wishing not to have an overwhelming advantage in an exchange that is already going to make you look like an idiot.
The message must contain some form of original thought on your part; if we've seen it before, there's not much reason to publish it again. We'd prefer you read through our other submissions to discover the error of your thinking, rather than wasting your time and ours, which is more valuable than yours.
The message must contain assertions that seem to make logical sense; note that these assertions do not need to actually make sense, they just need to appear to. We'll take care of debunking them and explaining the flaws in your point of view.
If you wish to make threats against our animals, we request that you issue them directly to the Forks Police Department, thereby saving us the trouble of forwarding your information to them.
Any personal attacks or name-calling should be well formulated and amusing, and should be relevant to the person to whom they are directed, as opposed to revealing your own obsessions, fetishes, and perversions.

We also ask that before you send your message, you pause and ask yourself what doing so will accomplish. You will not change our minds about what we do, and hearing from you will only make us more committed to the animals we rescue and the people we make safer as a result. You will not sway our supporters; when we publish hate mail, it typically results in a surge of support and increased donations, which we hesitate to tell you because we're happy to have the money. Consider that if you truly understood what we do, you wouldn't have such a problem with it, and ask yourself if there is not something more valuable you could do with your time, because seriously, no one here cares what you think, and if we didn't get a good laugh at your expense and weren't able to use your message in the furtherance of our own, we'd never give you a second thought.

Posted on April 5, 2010